


Don't Know Where You've Been Laying

by closetbidisaster



Series: Fics inspired by songs [17]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Break Up, F/F, Sadness, based loosely on a true story, sorry Kelley, zero fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-13 13:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21495418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetbidisaster/pseuds/closetbidisaster
Summary: Don't know where you've been layingJust know it's not with meDon't know what I'd tell you ifI passed you on the streetOrAnother break-up fic. Buckle up, friends.
Relationships: Alex Morgan/Kelley O'Hara, Alex Morgan/Servando Carrasco friendship
Series: Fics inspired by songs [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1516991
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	Don't Know Where You've Been Laying

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Anna by Harry Styles
> 
> Song suggestion from @kellexforthewindex
> 
> Enjoy!

Kelley’s message still flashed in her mind, telling her they were over. All because her trust issues meant she didn’t trust Alex, despite what she claimed. She had told the younger girl that she trusted her, but she did not trust Servando, one of Alex’s closest guy friends. She had made the mistake of telling the older girl she had had a tiny crush on him for maybe a month at the beginning of sophomore year, and then Kelley all of the sudden found him to be shifty. It had caused more than one fight between the two and finally, the younger girl snapped.

She had posted a picture of the two of them hanging out, tagging him and their other friends from the afternoon hangout. It had taken Kelley three minutes to send her a text telling her to delete the post. Alex had been furious; the older girl still was not getting the message that she and Servando were just friends. She only saw him as a brother now. On top of that, she did not appreciate being told what to do by Kelley. So she refused to delete it, re-emphasizing that they were just friends, nothing more. She asked the older girl if she trusted her; she said she did, but she did not trust him. Alex had scoffed aloud at that message. She told the older girl to get over her issues with the friendship or they were done. Kelley had chosen the latter, effectively ending their relationship over a text.

* * *

Kelley spiraled after ending her relationship so rashly. Two hours after breaking it off, she got drunk at some bar she talked her way into and hooked up with some random girl. She hated herself when she sobered up and felt even worse when she remembered she had drunkenly texted Allie, letting her know what she had done. She knew the blonde would tell Alex, to keep her from hearing it through the grapevine. She felt a pit in her stomach as she thought about the younger brunette hearing what Kelley had done, what she had said about their relationship. Calling it a mistake, saying she never trusted her, claiming the love was fake. The truth was, none of those drunken “confessions” were true. She had been drunk when she sent them, but she still knew she was lying when she did. But she also knew she couldn’t undo what had been done.

Allie laid into her, telling her that she didn’t deserve someone like Alex (she didn’t) and that the blonde had lost all respect she had for her (deserved). The taller girl had also warned the older one if she contacted or sought out Alex before the younger girl was ready that she would be there ready to kick her ass. Kelley had taken the verbal assault, knowing she deserved it all for what she had done to the younger girl’s self-esteem and her heart. She heard that the younger girl didn’t get out of bed for three days after she found out what Kelley did, only getting up when Allie forced out for lunch and the blonde nearly had to shove the food down the brunette’s throat as she still did not have much of an appetite.

* * *

There is radio silence between the two of them as the summer drags on. Kelley completely loses track of the younger girl, something that makes her uneasy. It’s an unfamiliar feeling, not knowing where Alex is, what she is doing, or who she is with. Kelley doesn’t like it one bit. But, at the same time, she thinks that it might be for the best. She has thought many times about what she would say the next time she saw the taller girl, and she still had no idea what it would be. She actively avoids their most frequented hangouts, stops hanging out with their mutual friends, and basically becomes a hermit. It sucks even more that the younger girl appears to be having an easier time than her. Somehow, despite Kelley causing a huge dip in her self-esteem and a resounding feeling of never being able to move on, Alex had moved on with her life.

The younger of the two surrounded herself with friends and focused on training for soccer while the older girl stuck to her sister and only played soccer at home now, not willing to risk seeing Alex at the park. 

Kelley knew she had acted rashly when she ended their relationship over a stupid picture of Alex and her friend. Her mouth had a tendency to move faster than her brain, especially in situations with people she cares about and she sometimes lashes out. And that is exactly what happened. And she knows that she cannot take it back nor can she make up for it.

She also knows if she were to see Alex now, with her being how she was, she would receive pity and sad smiles from the younger girl, neither of which she wanted. She hated being pitied and she knew she didn’t deserve sympathy and she knew the younger girl’s heart was big enough to forgive her for what she had done, but that her will was also strong enough to let go of the relationship, to let go of Kelley. 

Sometimes, Kelley wishes she had unfollowed Alex after their breakup. However, it was the only way to know anything about the younger girl’s life these days. But it also hurt her heart every time she saw Alex’s smile, knowing she no longer played any part in making it appear. If only the younger girl knew the effect she still had on her. But, then again, perhaps it is for the best that she doesn’t.

* * *

The first week back in classes from summer break the students are given their first assignment in their Creative Writing class. The assignment is simple - you must compose a love letter pretending to be a broken-hearted, guilty writer from “the olden days” who screwed up and is now apologizing to their lover who left them. Kelley decided she was going to hate this class, but begrudgingly got set to turn in an A-worthy paper; she had a GPA to maintain. When the day to turn them in came, the teacher asked if any of them wanted to share their letters. A few students volunteered, with more jumping in after their teacher mentioned extra credit for reading it aloud. Kelley knew she wouldn’t need the extra credit, but it wouldn’t hurt either, so her hand also went up.

She stood at the front of the class, preparing to read the letter when the door to the classroom flew open and Alex came stumbling in. The whole class stared at the blue-eyed girl who turned slightly red at the attention before stuttering out an apology about schedule changes and how she was now in this class. Kelley cursed under her breath. She was not counting on that. Her letter was based on what had happened over the summer. None of their friends were in the class, so she had thought she would be able to get away with it, without anyone knowing where it came from, who it was about.

The teacher pointed Alex to an empty seat, on the opposite side of the room from Kelley’s. Apparently, Fate had decided it had had it’s fun that day. Once the younger girl got settled, the teacher looked at Kelley, signaling she could start reading whenever she was ready.

Taking a deep breath and telling herself to keep a steady voice, she began:

“My love,

there are no words to express the sorrow I feel in my heart. The pain that comes from the memories of how I hurt you is all too real. I beat my chest in an attempt to numb the pain that sears through me with each beat of my heart. My shoulders hang, defeated, and I am unable to look any in the eye. Every step feels as if my feet weigh a thousand pounds as I feel the weight of what I did to you. When we parted, I did not act with my heart, but rather, on an instinct. An instinct that I have had since long before I met you. One that told me that I would never be enough for anyone like you, that someone of your beauty, your grace, deserved much more than anything I could give you. I allowed my own problems, my own troubles, to come between us and I drove you away. This is something I will never be able to apologize enough for, my dear. Every heartache, every ounce of self-doubt, every hesitation my actions have caused you, I regret them all. 

You deserve someone who can, and will, treat you like the queen that you are, that will never give you a reason to doubt their intentions or their feelings. You deserve someone who will not toy with your heart or string along your emotions. A person who is secure in who they are, not a child who is afraid of their feelings and of giving themself over to you. I am sorry I could not be that for you but know this: I truly hope that one day you find a person who knows you on every level, physical, emotional, spiritual, and appreciates it in the way I should have. I do not ask for your sympathy, I do not want your tears. I only ask that you find the happiness you deserve, the happiness that I could not provide. Find happiness and keep it; do not let anyone rob you of it again.

And this, my dear, is where I say goodbye. My heart still aches and sorrow still has yet to cease. I will love you forever, but I know I must you let go.

Goodbye, my love.”

Kelley looks up from her paper, her eyes immediately zeroing in on the younger girl who is staring at her with tears in her eyes. In fact, most of the class is subtly attempting to wipe tears away as the small brunette takes her paper to her teacher and hands it over, her hand shaking. Her teacher says something to her, but Kelley doesn’t hear it, turning and returning to her seat quickly. She could feel Alex’s eyes on her still but refused to look at the younger girl. She hoped she could escape class before the taller girl can ask her questions about her assignment; Kelley knew she would have a difficult time lying to her, but she did not want to admit what it was about.

She risks a glance to the other side of the room, catching Alex’s eye on accident and freezing. The younger girl still had a powerful hold over her, whether she knew it or not. When the bell rings, Kelley bolts, her mind spinning. The blue-eyed girl would never know the effect she had on her, would never know the true depths of her desire to touch her one last time, to hold her once more. She feels like she is suffocating and goes to the enclosed courtyard to escape the presence of the younger girl.

There’s only so much a girl can take, she thinks as she sits on one of the benches, her head in her hands. She doesn’t move when she hears someone approaching, but shoots up as if shocked by something when she hears the voice.

“Kelley?”

Oh, Alex...

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: the breakup was based on one of my own. Been waiting to write something based around it tbh
> 
> Up Next: a fic based on a Dean Lewis song! Might be out tomorrow, might be out Thursday. We'll see!
> 
> If you drop a song suggestion, I'll add it to my list! All genres all welcome and I'll get it done ASAP!


End file.
